We are all guilty of buying new notebooks when we've barely filled out ones that we already own. (I can't be the only person that does this, right?)
The only time I can remember fully filling out an entire notebook was on a one-month backpacking trip throughout Southeast Asia. I wrote every. single. day. Not a page was blank.
Maybe part of that reason was because I was so consumed with the trip and I wanted to try and capture as much as I could. Maybe another reason was that I didn't have 24/7 access to WiFi. Or maybe that was my gut telling me that this is what I should be doing, this is what feels easy. Of course, it's always easier to write in a journal than it is to the world. None of what I wrote was ever made public. It was all just for me.
Again and again, it seems like I’m always trying to start over. It’s exhausting and expensive to begin something new. The constant start-stop mentality is draining and a struggle.
Even though everything right now seems difficult, that's just part of life. Perhaps wanting to start over again is a reflection of my idealism and sense of control—I like knowing how things will turn out. However, having control over situations isn't always possible, and sometimes we can't just drop everything and start over with something new whenever we want. We have to push through to keep going, keep writing, keep doing whatever it is that helps us move forward.
A lot has changed in life recently, either within or outside of my control. And now, again, I’ve got a new, empty notebook in front of me, staring at me with its dull lines and expecting me to fill its pages.
So where am I going with this notebook? What am I doing? What is the goal? Since I've finally made the decision to stop applying for the same types of jobs over and over and do something new, it feels like a lot is at stake. This blog feels like another notebook, I want to fill. And right now, I want to work on filling the pages with as many of my ideas, struggles, good times and bad times with anyone who's interested.