how i'm ruining my life
There will always be people in your life that are going to tell you “no, you can’t,” but what happens when those people are your own parents? I debated posting about this because it is a very personal and sensitive subject, but writing it down helps me acknowledge and process everything.
Yesterday, I had one of the most challenging and stressful conversations that I’ve had so far with my parents regarding my decision to travel. My dad, in particular, is the type of person that likes formality and rules and straightforward paths that lead to concrete answers. The concept of his daughter wanting to travel and write as a new career is incomprehensible, foreign, and simply a “bad” idea in his book since there are still so many question marks. “You’re ruining your life,” and “we screwed up as parents,” and “you’re living in an alternate reality,” are just some of the things that were said. Hearing those words made my heart ache and my head hurt because I completely disagreed. I don’t feel like I am ruining my life or that they're bad parents or that I'm living in a so-called alternate reality. I just want to live in a way that feels more fulfilling.
I had a really good childhood growing up and always felt love and support from both my dad and mom. I am so grateful for everything I’ve been able to experience and do thus far, and I don’t want either of them thinking that I'm taking those things for granted.
Their worry comes from a place of deep love, and ultimately I know I am so fortunate to have that as a light in my life. Even though that conversation was uncomfortable and difficult, it was needed. My perspective has been shaken and has forced me to think about things more practically. Some of their concerns are ones that I have myself. I am scared and worried about how everything will play out and I know they are too.
I don’t want them to feel disrespected or offended by my choices, but I also don't want to go through life trying to meet someone else’s expectations if they no longer align with my own. While I feel the need to stay grounded and be more realistic, I also feel the need to write my own rules.